I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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