i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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