I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
