Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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