R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
