my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
