dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
