i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm really busy with my period
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