Screwed.edu
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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