I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
