i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
