how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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