with your own penis?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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