I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
