Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
