i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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