i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
