is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
