She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
