Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
