But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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