Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
