We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
