The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
