Porn is love you can see.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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