i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
