I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
