So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
