I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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