um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
