You smell like a Billy Joel song
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
