worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
