Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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