it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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