How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
