i permit you to call me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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