Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
