can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
