Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
