So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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