i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
