That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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