i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
