maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
COCAINE IS GR8
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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