I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
