sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
