it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
