no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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