She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
