Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
