don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
