So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
