I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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