Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
