Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
